hello!

Posted on January 13, 2011

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despite being wordy i think this is exactly convey my thoughts atm sooo

hi ! that’s right i was exactly dead. dead in the blogsphere and alive out there with my new apartment studies sex boys work and bah in short anything but blogging.

ACTUALLY sex part wasnt true i hadn had it for ….. weeek? whatever

i’m just driven by a sudden urge to blog despite my thoughts are pretty scattered i guess this is the best i can make out of 4.16 am coffee and insomnia.

hey guess what ! its an awesome start of the morning. i’m sipping my coffe by the balcony with norah jones wtf. anyway since when i became so speechless on blog?! few seconds ago i had so much random thoughts in my head so much so i was convinced this is gonna be a long entry. oh well.

oh yes!!

i need to reorganize my life. i can’t possibly be bugged by men. like seriously. i’m in kl!@!#@$@

so here’s a list of stufff i’ll abstain

1. Men taking advantage of me.

2. letting men take advantage.

3. Being overworked

4. skipping movies

5. spending rest of the week at home

6. OCD OCD OCD

and can anyone tell me whats the name of a habit where u’re overly obsessed with your own workplace so much so u dont allow invasion of it?????????

old habits are fucking DIE HARD. i might not can have a bed. but my own worktable has to be there. its been a die hard habit since i wasss #3?!

ANYWAY, this is enough for me i’m gonna zzzz and i better be posting pictures of myself cuzzzzzzz I HAFFFF GOOD SKIN HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA

bye!  nooo wait,

this is weird why are girls allowing or probably throwing themselves to men who clearly are taking advantage of them? i mean me.

to men,who clearly has no other intention other than fucking her?

if anyone would ask me, i’m pretty sure the answer to that question would be NO.

but why are we doing the exact opposite?

as crazy as it sounds, i realize now that i am actually unconsciously throwing myself like a ping pong ball with tiny hopes my barter with sex would be returned with phone calls and text messages asking “how are you?”or maybe “hey honey how’s your day”… care.

 

god this is stupid. see guys, the thing is sex only fulfil physical needs rather than emotional needs. This point makes me realize that i am fucking dehydrated from that leading myself to desperation.

its clear that i can get nothing out of this. the fear of being expired was unprevalent.

clearly i’m not the only one. but lets not play the blame game amanda.

but i guess its true, everyone has emotional needs. or both. one does not feel right without none.

but see, since i can’t get anything out of this. why should i still be doing something that is clearly non-profitable. in fact its pretty taxing. the constant phone checks. u just wait till the end of the day for a call or something. fail or not, its fucking taxing.

 

and worse yet, u know its not worth it despite effort.

thus, with the list i have made above, i will make a difference, clearly using sex as a barter is an epic failure.

fuck that shit i’m actually gonnna try to save up and maybe! i’ll travel like michelle said!

xxoo

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